• rachelharrietcoach

Are you still waiting for permission to go after what you want?

One of the surefire things that happens along the coaching journey with any client is hesitancy. I can almost predict exactly when it is going to happen, but nevertheless it rears it's head.

Usually, as part of our coaching relationship we'll start off with really getting to understand the truth behind what you are looking to achieve. Yes, we uncover the goals, but we work hard on uncovering the real "why" behind the goals. After this, we'll work on understanding what has held you back in going for this before, and look to disprove any limiting beliefs that you've previously carried around loyally.

Once these key parts have been overcome, usually the client is feeling really positive and excited about the progress they've made, which is a wonderful place to be.

But once we start to look at putting the first steps into place, the hesitancy starts creeping in.

Here's why....

When we set goals that involve moving out of our comfort zone, we've so often sought advice from others around us. Our parents, our mentors, our friends. And when we have seemingly removed the obstacles that were in the way of these goals, reality sets in.

I haven't got any excuses behind me now.

In order to reduce hesitancy (a perfectionist tendency by the way...!) the best thing to do is focus simply on the first step ahead of you, rather than worrying about all of the things you still need to do.

And then you can focus on Step 2 in isolation, and Step 3 in isolation and so on.

So often, though, we get in the way of taking the first step because we want to get external validation on what our goal is, or the pieces of work & actions that are included on the road to getting there. Publishing that piece of work? Well, it'd feel much better if I knew people were going to like it before I did it. Going for an interview? Well, if I knew I'd get the job I'd feel more confident. Wondering if you're making the right decision? Well, there's plenty of people I can ask but what if they tell me what I don't want to hear?

This back and forth worrying about what people may think is simply a waste of your valuable time. Moreover, nobody else is you, and therefore what use is their validation or permission? Even if everyone in the world told you you were making the "right decision", if you ended up not enjoying it or wishing you hadn't done it, would you wish you'd stuck to your own intuition?

You and ONLY you know what is right for you.

So stop waiting for a wise hand to appear on your shoulder and say "Now is the perfect time... this is what you need to do..."

Work out what you truly want to do, and go after it.

Now, if you've been working with a coach it's likely to be a lot more efficient and easier to get to the bottom of what's stopping you from truly going after it, or indeed what has stopped you in the past. But it is so important to really know how you feel.

The truth will set you free!

One of my favourite mantras is GET THE FACTS.... I don't believe there is any situation in life that stopping and looking at what we know for certain (and ignoring any assumptions or stories we tell ourselves) doesn't improve.

Being honest with yourself is the best thing you can do to really stand a chance of getting unstuck and stop seeking permission from someone else.

Grab your journal and a pen and let's go through this:

  • What's the one thing that is keeping you stuck/blocking you at this stage?

  • Why?

  • What's the reason behind this?

  • How can you solve this?

  • What is the first step you are going to take?

If you don't get ultimate clarity the first time you do this, try going through this self coaching process again in a week's time. Giving yourself time to reflect will most likely help to unstick some of the thoughts and feelings you have around reaching your goal.

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